TIME FLIES.....AGAIN!

Seems like time is just whizzing past - the weeks fly faster and faster. It used to be said when you thought that way it was a sure sign you were getting older - well, even the young ones seem to think so now too.

A great part of the past weekend was spent in bed - a sure 'fibro flare' with all the old symptoms rearing their heads again. Amazing how quickly I can adapt to feeling good and then when the pain and fatigue hits I am caught totally unawares. In the good days / weeks it is easy to say that there's more to life than fibromyalgia (or any other debilitating ailment / condition), truth is that when it does hit, it takes my focus off the 'more to life' things and fair square on my limitations. And this is NOT what God intends or wants for me....He has bigger plans! To focus on my limitations is to focus on ME .....my focus must be on God Himself. O Lord, through all of this help me to keep YOU at the very centre of my focus, not to be distracted by that which I cannot control but rather to be drawn to You. Why O Lord am I so slow to learn?

SHARING MY SPACE

Last summer we let go of so much that was 'ours'.....primarily our own space - our own area of living - the home that we had made 'ours'. And we have adjusted, massively helped along in the knowledge and confidence that this is where God has us. So little of what we have use of these days is actually ours and yet we are surviving wonderfully well - we've just let go of the trappings of life (well some of them!).

The view from our bedroom is something that is 'ours', for now anyhow. And yet this morning as I looked out over the grass and trees, once again made fresher and greener by even more rain during the night, I realised I was sharing my view with an intruder......

......now that is one canny spider!!

NEIGHBOURHOOD DAY

Our church has in the past really not reached out to people - we've sort of sat back and expected them to come into our meetings ... and that has not happened.....as the saying goes we have been 'preaching to the converted'. Yesterday however was different and will hopefully be the start of a new move in reaching the local people - meeting them where they are. Instead of our annual Sunday School trip for the children it was decided to hold a 'neighbourhood day' in the field beside the church/hall and invite the nrighbourhood - adults and children. It was a huge success - local people came and willingly took part in all that was happening - games for the children and adults, t-shirt painting, crafts for the ladies, barbecue and tea/coffee and ice creams for all - and a puppet / theatre show with clear gospel messages. A great day, enjoyed by all - and I'm sure the outsiders could see that the folks who meet in that little hall week after week are quite normal after all. It was a day when, instead of expecting the community to come to us, we reached out to them, we became a part of the community and I trust the Lord will bless us and continue to speak to hearts long after this day.

STORM DAMAGE!

Everything was coming along really nicely in our vegetable garden until we were hit by the storms last Monday and the wind just ripped through the whole garden. I appear to have lost a couple of sprout plants, a couple of cauliflower and the leeks have taken a real battering. I'm taking no chances though and today I've planted a couple of extra sprouts and a fresh lot of leeks.

When I arrived home from work on Monday I could not believe the devastation - the avenue was actually blocked by THREE fallen trees - leaves, twigs and branches were everywhere. I had to get out of the car and clear the way to allow me to drive in - though I could only drive in a few yards - and I had to park the car and wait for Jonathan to arrive home with the chainsaw. Poor men!...they do get the heavy end of the work....he's been working every evening this week to clear the fallen trees and broken branches - and some of these branches are actually trees split in two! He does have everything sitting so tidy and neat now - it just looks like a different place from Monday!

I did take some storm pictures on my phone - hopefully I'll get them uploaded here soon.

VEGETABLE PROGRESS

GREAT progress being made! Oh the goodness of God!.....really when I think about it... the KINDNESS of God! We are not in a position of need and yet it has pleased God to allow this little garden of ours to proper...thank you Lord!

I have loved this cherry blossom which overhangs the vegetable garden BUT I must remember not to plant next year until the blossom is past - what a mess when the flowers fell among the plants!

VEGETABLE GARDENING

In past years - but not recent years - Val has kept a vegetable garden and, in her vast garden area it has become my favourite spot. Last winter I thought it would be lovely to try to work this area and grow some vegetables so, in February Jonathan rotavated it for me and, after some work we now have a selection of our own vegetables growing. Oh the satisfaction of seeing them thrive week by week!

I think we could have been rather too enthusiastic or ambitious in our selection which just kept growing and growing (pardon the pun), anyhow we have potatoes, peas, brussel sprouts, leeks, beetroot, parsley, cauliflower, red onions, carrots, lettuce, courgettes, raspberries and strawberries.....and I think that's the lot!

It's a real thrill to just pop into the vegetable garden every day, check things over and just watch it mature. I'm hopeful we will get a dinner or two out of it yet - we even have a red side on ONE strawberry right now...though we'll not get the ice cream out just yet!!

WEIGHT ISSUES

This weekend I woke up afresh to the fact that I have W E I G H T issues! Oh, just think - all those years I really honestly did think I was FAT ...... well, I now weigh 30 pounds heavier than I did then! How did it happen??!!

Just one pound at a time creeping on. In the past couple of years I've tried Weight Watchers where I lost nothing, then a half-hearted attempt at Slimming World where I lost nothing and still the weight creeps steadily on!

I've blamed several things for this steady and sustained weight gain - the first being fibromyalgia.....well I do blame it for everything else! I look back though to all the walking I did several years ago and I don't have the energy for it now so I'm really getting very little exercise.

Yesterday was a turning point...... we were going to Barbara's for Sunday dinner and mum's birthday so I decided we would walk there and back. I think it was a good brisk 20 minute walk and you know what - didn't do me any harm at all. I just hope my energy levels keep up as I'd really like to get into being a little fitter.

In the evening, after a sumptious dinner and the 20 minute walk back I did some exercises on my newly acquired gym ball.

All was fine until this morning - back, neck, knees, thighs......is there any part of me that's NOT stiff and sore. Anyhow, I am determined....no point moaning about the size and shape of me, doing nothing about it and then spending the summer miserable because nothing fits me or looks right on me.

I've also joined the work weigh-in today - maybe this will give me a little added incentive.

MEMORIES OF JOJO

Fifteen years builds up quite a catalogue of memories and Jonathan and I have spent the weekend recalling much of the joy that Jessie and Jojo brought into our lives.

Letting them go has been tough. As I come into our bedroom Jojo's bed is still here - and I can't bring myself to let it go just yet. I can still smell the sweet scent of her newly washed coat in the room and last night I lifted her bed close to me and sniffed what was left of our Jojo.

TEDDY CUDDLES

Jojo was so very laid back - lazy I think! She could wander around the garden sniffing and then just decide no, she wouldn't bother peeing after all! When she got the message that she wasn't returning to the house until she did, she somehow managed to do it! Jojo could go almost 24 hours without toileting - I really think she just felt it was easier to hold on until the next time. She definitely didn't like getting wet - we've known her get to the door and, if it was raining, just decide she wasn't going out in that! She walked so gently and stately too - head held high, paws just skimming the ground - if it's possible for a dog, I'm sure she went on tiptoes. On the stairs she just seemed to glide up - almost like a rabbit in slow motion.

PRINCESS AND THE PEA!

Jojo certainly wasn't one for cuddles and nursing - always off on her own, happy just to be in her bed, or cushioned on the settee, or curled up on a mat....... until the last couple of years and then she seemed to want attention. She actually looked to be petted and stroked - loved to have her throat and chest stroked and would have sat all night for that. How often have we told her that she had missed out so much all those years- but then that's just how Jojo was. In some ways she was a very timid wee dog....she always held back and let Jessie take the lead, was never one for jumping up and when she did, she calculated her jump and leapt gently with precision.

GORGEOUS GIRL

Jojo was a rottweiler! Hard to believe now but this gentle little blonde Lhasa Apso terrorised me! Once Jonathan was out of the house her whole attitude changed and she let it be known that she was now in charge! When Jonathan worked early shifts I found it much easier some mornings to leave without breakfast rather than stay and fight with Jojo. Soon as I appeared she became totally vicious - like a different dog! She barked, snarled, bared her teeth and countless times her teeth were so close I could feel them on my legs. Nothing I could do, or not do, deterred her....... I tried the SuperNanny 'naughty step' approach by closing her in the boiler house but I ran out of time and had to bring her in before I left for work. I tried the water pistol shot but ended up with Jojo and the kitchen floor completely soaked. I tried a rolled up newspaper which she just tore to shreds with her teeth. In all of this poor Jessie would dash in, barking and nipping Jojo in the legs to distract her - which often had Jojo turning on her.

Jojo hated being brushed with a passion. Her coat was finer and I think perhaps her skin was more sensitive than Jessie's so I always tried to go carefully with her but, the nature of a Lhasa Apso's hair is that it requires much brushing.....not best news for Jojo! For a while we managed with Jonathan holding her while I brushed her, then I resorted to wearing gardening gloves to protect my hands and we managed somehow.

Jojo mellowed - she lost her hearing about 2-3 years ago and she just became the most wonderfully placid, docile, loving little dog. In all of that time we never heard her growl and she looked for, and enjoyed, attention. I wish there had been something we could have done to get her to this stage earlier in life.

Jojo was a stunner.......we see many Lhasa Apsos around town now........and we have yet to see one as pretty as our Jojo.

GOOD NIGHT JOJO

Another sad night as we have just said goodbye to dear wee Jojo.

BEAUTIFUL JOJO

She has been in decline for a while and the past couple of weeks have reminded me much of Jessie's last few weeks. Life for Jojo became just a toddle around, eat, sleep, toddle around, eat, sleep. Last night I bathed her, with the help of a mild sedative from the vet......bathing had become possible without a sedative but, if grooming was required it was necessary. She got her 6mg sedation dose at 3.45 and just zonked out. When I look back now I'm so so sorry that I continued with her bathing and grooming - surely she must have wondered what I was up to - why couldn't I see she was in distress. Did she think to herself what was I doing?? She never did enjoy being brushed so it's not even as if she and I were having some final quality time together.

She went into a sound, sound, sleep and a couple of times I wondered about it but felt she would just sleep it off and be fine in an hour or two. By the time 10pm came I was really worried and telephoned the vet's office. The on-call vet assured me that, considering Jojo's age, it was probably to be expected. The sedation could be in her system for up to 8 hours, possibly longer with her age, especially if she was frail, which she was....very.

I cosied her back into her bed with clean blankets and she just lay there, not stirring, but her eyes following me when I came closer.....sad, heavy eyes.

We all slept and I woke in the morning expecting to see her revived and ready to toddle, eat, sleep, for another day. Not so. Jonathan took her outside as was their usual routine - then fed her and walked her down the avenue. Bless her, she did manage to eat and walk but I wonder just how much effort that took her little body. Jonathan brought her back into her bed in our bedroom and I could hear her heavy breathing which was unusual - Jojo has always slept silently. I got out of bed and saw that she was just wrapped in her blanket exactly as I had left her 5 minutes earlier. I lifted her and her little body was limp, not even the energy to hold her head up, and I brought her into bed beside me. She has never been one for cuddling - a few minutes was always Jojo's limit and then she'd be on her way again - Miss Independence. Today she just lay. No fight - no interest - and it broke my heart. How I wished the old Jojo would surface and just struggle away from me. As I went to shower I settled her into bed again - still no interest and no movement.
As I left for work her eyes were sad and mournful, there was still no flicker of interest or movement from her.

When I got to work I phoned the vet's again and made an appointment to bring her in at 9.50. I picked Jojo up again about 9.30 - and still she hadn't moved in her bed.
As I lifted her out to the car I snuggled her close to me - oh how soft and sweet her fur has always been - and today she's so snowy white and fresh. Kate (the vet)checks her over and believes she may have gone into kidney failure. She says how very frail and light she is - oh how long have I grieved when I've felt every bone on her tiny back. She suggests running blood tests to check things out and says she will be in touch as soon as she has results, will also put her on a drip which should help her to come round, so I leave Jojo in her care.

Very soon after I return to work I phone Kate - I know I do not want Jojo's suffering prolonged - or her life prolonged just because I don't want to face the grief. As I phone Kate has just been handed the test results which show that our Jojo has indeed gone into kidney failure. Any relief they can give her would be very short term - her little body is giving up and all organs will start to fail. Our Jojo - the one who's been the fighter and has fought her own health battles in times past is losing this one. I know we have to let her go.

With a heavy heart the appointment is made for 3.50 - Jonathan and I will go to the vet's and say goodbye to our little lady.