LETTING GO

We are coming through some massive 'life changes' or 'adjustments' this summer - I've thought today that it seems like this is a summer of 'letting go'. Perhaps the Lord is bringing us to a place of simplicity in life, a place where we are not bound by possessions? I do not know, I can only wonder.....and wait......and let go.

We've so far 'let go' of our home. My home is my sanctuary, how I love to get in there, close the door on the world and know that it's just me and mine in there. In my sanctuary I am free to be me and it's my place of solace, security and renewing. I very much make it what it is - and I have to say I'm pretty proud of my home and what we make it together....and I have loved my red door!

In Val's we have a bedroom, study and bathroom to call our own. Oh, we have evening use of a grand sitting room but, it's not ours. Amazing that we have been able to easily 'let go' and condense our possessions into these 3 rooms! And yes, these rooms are now my place of solace, security and renewing.

Sadly I fear the time is coming very near for another 'letting go'.......of my darling Jessie. We've had Jessie and Jojo for 15 years and they have been great and faithful friends. Well, Jessie has. I've had my problems and difficulties with Jojo for long years and she has certainly known how to test me and dominate me to the extreme. Thankfully she has mellowed - I put that down to her deafness - seems like she can tolerate me now that she no longer has to hear me! But Jessie - she has been my buddy through and through. Jessie has been my protector, stepping in to shield me from the fierce wrath of Jojo in her early morning rants at me. It has been Jessie who has lay on my belly, on her back and just snuggled, Jessie who slept behind me, her little chin resting on the bent crook of my knee.....and this became our pattern each day when I returned from work. In short, if Jessie could do anything to please - she did it, and more.

CHASE ME!!

Jessie was the one brimming over with mischief. When she was young her eyes just danced and sparkled with mischief - you could just see her wondering what to get at next. She was the one who waited for the shopping bags to be set down......located the carrots and worked and worked until she got them out - and she perfected it to get it accomplished in super quick time!
It was Jessie who learned how to remove the lid off my thought to be 'doggy-proof' bin - and proceeded to retrieve all the rubbish and litter it over the kitchen floor.
She could sniff out a peppermint or chewing gum in my handbag, and carefully remove tissues and other items until she got to the forbidden treat.

I've always said it was Jessie who trained us - not we who trained her although we of course liked to think we did! As a puppy we would catch her in an act, we would mention a command and that was it.....she would repeat on command. Like the time she was chewing a stone and I told her 'spit it out' - straight away she spat it out and was obedient about it ever since, even if it was some tasty morsel she had picked up off the street and really had her teeth into it. I think it mattered more to Jessie that she please us......and she sure did!

OUR GIRL IS GETTING OLD :(

The passing years and old age has changed all of that. Jessie is now blind and almost deaf and life has become very stressful for her. Touching her to reassure or comfort, offering guidance, grooming, feeding .....all these pleasurable things, that could in no way repay her for her faithfulness to us over 15 years, simply cause her further stress and anxiety. I cannot watch it!

Do I 'let go' now? - is this the time to part company with my beloved Jessie? I have loved her like I never thought it possible to love a dog - and she has returned that love in ways I could never have imagined. I've never needed words with Jessie - she just always knew when I needed an extra close snuggle and we've had many of them over the years. Now I need words ......I need to know if she's had enough....is life as big a struggle for her as it appears to me?

I struggle to cope with the distress she displays - I struggle to know what to do.
I don't want to let her go and yet I don't want her days to be filled with stress and anxiety - she deserves better. I want better for her.