AS THE DEER

'As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for You o God'....Psalms 42 v 1Last Friday was the start of a week of personal mourning - grieving after the 'old me'...the energetic me who did her weeks grocery shopping before heading to start work at 8.30am. The old me who did errands on the way home from work, walked and groomed the dogs, cleaned the house, cooked a meal, did laundry, tended the garden, visited the sick....all in one day! The old me who was 'in control' and on top of, if not ahead of everything. I cannot accept she has gone. I don't know what I am supposed to think. I do keep looking for answers, therapies, cures, solutions. I have NEVER doubted God has plans and purposes and that He IS in control but I am impatient. I want to know and learn the lessons NOW Lord. Last Friday and all weekend was a spell of glorious weather....I did not even have enough energy to sit in the sun.....This Friday I feel alive and rejuvenated - I feel I belong to the world again.We had restaurant reservations for dinner - we cancelled them and had a Friday picnic. I was too weak and disinterested last week to even think about going anywhere and tonight I had energy - I wanted to be out in God's beautiful creation - enjoying the sunshine (though it was cool), the sea, rocks, trees, rabbits and deer.Various places we've travelled all over the years we've seen signs warning of deer crossing - we've looked out for them but NEVER seen them - tonight we saw SEVEN young deer, grazing, running, chasing and just enjoying life...freedom.Lord, I want to be like the deer....my soul panting after YOU...desiring only YOU....depending only on YOU.Is that what makes the difference? Has the Lord brought me so low this week to let me see my need for HIM. If I don't have Him I have nothing. I want to enjoy freedom in You Lord.Ha....I have just checked the meaning of seven - it just struck me there may be a significance in God showing me seven deer tonight.....'seven' from the Hebrew 'shevah' meaning 'to be full or satisfied, have enough of'.... my goal should be to be filled, my life filled with God alone.....Lord, I do not know what has made the difference in the PHYSICAL from one Friday to another.....but I do want to experience the difference in the SPIRITUAL when my life is filled with YOU alone. Father help me take my mind off the physical and focus on the spiritual - that which is eternal. YOU MAKE THE DIFFERENCE LORD.....make a difference in me. Amen.