I titled this blog 'Fighting fibro-In faith'....this past couple of weeks I have wondered at the wisdom of those words....this title was very evidently created during a spell when I was on fighting form and my faith strong. I am presently coming through the worst period of pain and fatigue I have ever experienced. After enduring 10 weeks of sleeplessness (2 hours sleep per night) I have re-started Tahitian Noni Juice (2 weeks ago) and am now sleeping soundly through the night. I am however suffering greatly and feel the need to sleep the clock round - I actually felt less fatigued when I was sleeping two hours each night. (THE MYSTERIES OF FIBRO?) The pain in my shoulders and arms just seems to drag me down, my legs and arms are constantly cramped, my eyes are closing involuntarily and it is impossible to function....the worrying and sad thing is that I don't even want to function - I just feel so low that I don't have the interest.
God has His plans and I HAVE to believe he has planned fibro for me (I do not believe God has sent it but I do believe He has allowed it) ...I don't know why....I have asked why... never the question 'why me?' - more just 'why?' - being for what reason / purpose? I did feel guilty about looking for an answer to the 'why?' but I was encouraged then to read that even our Lord on the cross cried out 'My God, my God, WHY have you forsaken me?' If Jesus, who knew all things, could look for answers then I know God will understand the questionings of my imperfect heart. Lord, grant me patience as I await the unfolding of your plans in my life....
Zzzzzz............
I am updating this post after a peaceful night's sleep - I have woken feeling rested and more refreshed than I have done in the past two weeks. I have been encouraged by the Lord in the night...on occasion He has used the silence and peace of night to whisper to me - those are the times I've been able to be thankful for my sleeplessness. He has taken my mind back to an incident probably 6 or 7 years ago.....
Two gardens down from my back garden I could listen unobserved to a little boy walking and talking with his granddad. The little boy was only two so the pace was slow, but the questions were many, and they were 'why, why, why?' He could ask unashamedly and out of curiousity because he wanted to know - not because he questioned his presence or purpose in his surroundings or that He doubted where granddad was leading him.
God has shown me again that it IS okay to ask questions - to look for reasons - I am HIS child, walking this life with Him, and He understands. I will want to know WHY I am on this particular walk but thank God I am walking it with Him by my side.
I would think that Granddad didn't have all the answers - but I thank God that my Father in Heaven does - and He loves me much more than any earthly father or granddad and is in total control of my circumstances - even in these days when my pace is slow. Thank you for your whisperings to my heart Lord.
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